I would really have loved to title this "Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'n Roll," but, alas, that's not exactly what I want to write about.
At the core of everything we do is "choice," whether we make our choice consciously and deliberately, or by default (just letting it happen). If we refuse to take responsibility for our own actions, we live by default. That can be treacherous and dangerous.
I would never advocate/disadvocate sex. I think every person must decide for him/herself what is "right." How we approach sex is complicated; it depends on our upbringing, our values, our hormones...so much influences what we do. One thing I will say is that, if you don't make conscious, rational decisions regarding sex, you might find yourself in serious trouble.
These days, you are the total of not only your sexual experiences, but also your partner's. If you don't ask the hard questions--how many partners have you had, have you ever had an STD, have you had an AIDS test (and you need to know if it was positive or negative)--you might have to deal with an infection/virus that will affect you for the rest of your life.
I keep thinking of a line from an Aerosmith song: "Never judge a book by its cover. / Who you gonna love by your lover?" It's something to think about.
As for addiction, I know what I'm talking about. Anyone who smokes can speak about addiction with intelligence. Telling someone that he/she should just quit "cold turkey" belies the hold that addiction has on people. Telling an alcoholic or drug addict to "just stop" isn't an adequate response. If you or someone you know has a serious addiction problem, seek help--when you're ready for it. One other thing I know--addicts have to WANT help before they will ask for it. And make sure you aren't harboring your own addiction as you point the finger at someone else. Many "addictions" aren't recognized as "addictions"; sometimes, we think of them as obsessions, but it comes down to the same thing. Does it run your life? Then you might have a problem.
The key here is "responsibility." You have to take responsibility for your choices. Know why you do what you do; if your behavior bothers you and/or interferes with your life, seek help.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
"Know Thyself"
You are in control of your life. Don't ever forget that. You are what you are because of
the conscious and subconscious choices you have made. -- Barbara Hall
Probably one of the hardest things we will ever do in our lives is to know ourselves. Sometimes, even after 40 or 50 years of living with ourselves, we still won't know exactly who we are. That doesn't mean we can't keep striving to learn as much about ourselves as we possibly can, because, if we let others define us, we let them control us.
Knowing ourselves completely is nearly impossible; if we think we know who we are and refuse to deviate from that picture, we risk stagnating. We can't evaluate ourselves once and come up with "This is who I am for all time." In order to know ourselves, we need to continually evaluate our beliefs and behavior, decide if these still work for us, and change accordingly. That takes honesty and determination. And it's hard work.
We need to know, also, those areas where we could use more work. If my interpersonal skills aren't strong, how can I improve those? I might just need to observe people more closely, or I might need to evaluate my ability to empathize or sympathize with others. I can learn to relate better to other people, but I have to first recognize this as an area that needs strengthening; then, I have to consciously work to strengthen that aspect of myself.
How can knowing ourselves help us in college, or the workplace? If I know my learning style, I can be aware of how an instructor's teaching style might impact my study habits. If I'm a visual learner, and my professor lectures, how can I compensate for this? How can I apply my learning style to succeed in that professor's course?
I can turn my lecture notes into flash cards. In a history class, for example, I can write dates, terms, places, and people's names on one side of an index card; on the other side, I can write definitions/explanations. Flipping the cards can provide me with a visual clue that can help me remember the information.
In the workplace, I can turn conversations into decision trees or flowcharts. I can also use mind mapping or brainstorming to create a visual that shows possibilities and relationships between ideas.
When we face situations that challenge our abilities, we can choose to give up ("I'll never get it"), or we can find ways to overcome those challenges. What am I capable of? How can I expand my abilities? We need to know where we are, but we should not stay there. We should strive to improve, to move forward, to grow into the persons we wish to become.
the conscious and subconscious choices you have made. -- Barbara Hall
Probably one of the hardest things we will ever do in our lives is to know ourselves. Sometimes, even after 40 or 50 years of living with ourselves, we still won't know exactly who we are. That doesn't mean we can't keep striving to learn as much about ourselves as we possibly can, because, if we let others define us, we let them control us.
Knowing ourselves completely is nearly impossible; if we think we know who we are and refuse to deviate from that picture, we risk stagnating. We can't evaluate ourselves once and come up with "This is who I am for all time." In order to know ourselves, we need to continually evaluate our beliefs and behavior, decide if these still work for us, and change accordingly. That takes honesty and determination. And it's hard work.
We need to know, also, those areas where we could use more work. If my interpersonal skills aren't strong, how can I improve those? I might just need to observe people more closely, or I might need to evaluate my ability to empathize or sympathize with others. I can learn to relate better to other people, but I have to first recognize this as an area that needs strengthening; then, I have to consciously work to strengthen that aspect of myself.
How can knowing ourselves help us in college, or the workplace? If I know my learning style, I can be aware of how an instructor's teaching style might impact my study habits. If I'm a visual learner, and my professor lectures, how can I compensate for this? How can I apply my learning style to succeed in that professor's course?
I can turn my lecture notes into flash cards. In a history class, for example, I can write dates, terms, places, and people's names on one side of an index card; on the other side, I can write definitions/explanations. Flipping the cards can provide me with a visual clue that can help me remember the information.
In the workplace, I can turn conversations into decision trees or flowcharts. I can also use mind mapping or brainstorming to create a visual that shows possibilities and relationships between ideas.
When we face situations that challenge our abilities, we can choose to give up ("I'll never get it"), or we can find ways to overcome those challenges. What am I capable of? How can I expand my abilities? We need to know where we are, but we should not stay there. We should strive to improve, to move forward, to grow into the persons we wish to become.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Motivation Blockers
We've discussed these briefly in class, but I've noticed that the topic keeps reappearing. Learning how to deal with what keeps us from achieving our goals is essential if we want to succeed in college and in life.
Some of the "motivation blockers" my students have mentioned have the potential to create major stress in their lives. If we don't address the underlying issues of our stressors, we'll keep having to deal with them, which, of course, will cause more stress.
Nonsupportive Environments
If nonsupportive, bullying, or destructive people surround a student, the student might have difficulty believing that his/her goals are worthwhile. If this is the case, the student needs to seek a more supportive environment. Is it possible to move in with someone who shares that student's values and goals? Can the student afford to live on his/her own? Can the student claim independence on the FAFSA form, thus, perhaps, opening other channels of financial aid? If moving out isn't an option, the student needs to seek a more supportive environment for studying and completing coursework. Spending more time on campus, using campus labs and the library might help mitigate some of the stress. The student might also talk to the counselors on campus; they might be able to provide the student with more strategies for overcome negative influences.
It might help to understand why the important people in your life are reacting negatively. Often, your loved ones might be jealous, afraid that this new experience will change your relationship with them, or their motives might be a mystery to them. In tough economic times, money could be an issue. Knowing what's behind the negativity might help you difuse it.
Transportation
Reliable transportation is important for school and work. If you don't have your own vehicle, you'll need to find a way to get to and from the places you need to be.
You might post a notice on school bulletin boards, letting people know you are looking for a carpool opportunity. You might find someone who lives in your neighborhood who has a similar schedule who would be willing to share gas expenses; you might be able to get one person to ride in with, and another to ride home with. Explore all options. You could carpool one way, and ride the bus another, if you live close to a bus route.
Certainly, if circumstances allow it, you might consider living in campus housing, or sharing an apartment close to campus so you can walk to school/work. The exercise will be beneficial, and you'll save some money by not having to pay for gas or bus fare.
Procrastination
Except for the most obviously A personality types, the majority of us want to procrastinate sometimes. "I'll do that later" is a powerful mantra! Sooner or later, though, we must focus on the tasks we need to complete. One way to overcome procrastination is to promise yourself a small reward, due only after you satisfactorily complete the assignment/task. Don't go overboard on this, and be honest with yourself about fulfilling the requirements of the task. If you do a mediocre job, scrap the reward. Reward yourself only if you do the best work possible. Be realistic about what you can complete in a given time. "I will finish my math homework by 2pm" might not be realistic if you don't begin it until 1:45!
Actively managing your schedule can help overcome procrastination. Schedule your time realistically, and don't forget to schedule in "free" time.
Distractions
These compliment procrastination and can feed it. If we frequently are distracted, we need to create focus. Again, actively managing our time can help here.
My approach to distractions is direct: either the distraction goes, or I go.
What are some common distractions? Friends who turn up without warning, phones, Facebook, email, IM, Skype, television, radio/music, pets...add your own to the list. I am not above banishing friends and family after a certain amount of time--say, an hour--if I need to complete an important task. I turn off my cell phone and the ringer on my home phone. If television or music distracts you, turn them off, or, if you share the environment, go somewhere these can't distract you. You'll have to make a concerted effort to ignore the computer, especially if you're doing your work on it. Set a specific time to answer email, respond to FB, or chat with friends online. Change your online status to "Doing homework--please do not disturb," and ask your friends to honor that. You have to set the parameters and stick to them.
Emotional Upsets
Breakups, arguments, illnesses, deaths--these can affect us in many ways. Sometimes, we can shake off whatever is bothering us and make our way through the day, accomplishing what we need to accomplish. Sometimes, we can't shake off the grief, anger, and upset in order to deal with our day-to-day activities.
As you mature, you will learn how to handle emotional upsets better. For now, if you find yourself unable to get over whatever is bothering you, you need to see a counselor or talk to someone who can help you find ways to cope. When someone close to us is ill or dies, it's natural to feel depressed and sad. But if those feelings linger for too long, they can interfere with our daily obligations. If you feel so depressed that you cannot function, you MUST tell someone--a friend, a parent, a counselor, anyone who can listen and direct you to a source of help.
Most bosses and teachers expect that you will concentrate on the work/class at hand and leave your personal problems at home. This is not always possible, but you must use your emotional IQ to gauge those situations when an emotional outburst is inappropriate. If you are angry at your significant other, it is not okay to yell at the boss, a fellow worker, student, or professor--we are not equivalent substitutes! Know what's acceptable and what's not; get help if you need it.
Falling Behind or Not Understanding the Material
When you start skipping/ignoring assignments, that's a sign that you're not managing your time well. As embarrassing as it might be, you need to make an appointment with your instructors to discuss how you can get back on track. The longer you wait to do that, the less your professor will be willing to be flexible. Nip this in the bud, quickly.
If you don't understand the material, talk to the instructor. He/she might know a good tutor, or might be able to refer you to a campus resource such as the Writing Center or Math Lab. Seek out other students in your class--those who know the material and those who don't--and form a study group.
Overcoming motivation blockers takes discipline. It won't happen overnight, but you must learn to manage and overcome whatever keeps you from achieving your goals. It helps if you write out your goals and devise a strategy to reach them. Review them often, adjust them when necessary, and use them to help you stay on track.
Some of the "motivation blockers" my students have mentioned have the potential to create major stress in their lives. If we don't address the underlying issues of our stressors, we'll keep having to deal with them, which, of course, will cause more stress.
Nonsupportive Environments
If nonsupportive, bullying, or destructive people surround a student, the student might have difficulty believing that his/her goals are worthwhile. If this is the case, the student needs to seek a more supportive environment. Is it possible to move in with someone who shares that student's values and goals? Can the student afford to live on his/her own? Can the student claim independence on the FAFSA form, thus, perhaps, opening other channels of financial aid? If moving out isn't an option, the student needs to seek a more supportive environment for studying and completing coursework. Spending more time on campus, using campus labs and the library might help mitigate some of the stress. The student might also talk to the counselors on campus; they might be able to provide the student with more strategies for overcome negative influences.
It might help to understand why the important people in your life are reacting negatively. Often, your loved ones might be jealous, afraid that this new experience will change your relationship with them, or their motives might be a mystery to them. In tough economic times, money could be an issue. Knowing what's behind the negativity might help you difuse it.
Transportation
Reliable transportation is important for school and work. If you don't have your own vehicle, you'll need to find a way to get to and from the places you need to be.
You might post a notice on school bulletin boards, letting people know you are looking for a carpool opportunity. You might find someone who lives in your neighborhood who has a similar schedule who would be willing to share gas expenses; you might be able to get one person to ride in with, and another to ride home with. Explore all options. You could carpool one way, and ride the bus another, if you live close to a bus route.
Certainly, if circumstances allow it, you might consider living in campus housing, or sharing an apartment close to campus so you can walk to school/work. The exercise will be beneficial, and you'll save some money by not having to pay for gas or bus fare.
Procrastination
Except for the most obviously A personality types, the majority of us want to procrastinate sometimes. "I'll do that later" is a powerful mantra! Sooner or later, though, we must focus on the tasks we need to complete. One way to overcome procrastination is to promise yourself a small reward, due only after you satisfactorily complete the assignment/task. Don't go overboard on this, and be honest with yourself about fulfilling the requirements of the task. If you do a mediocre job, scrap the reward. Reward yourself only if you do the best work possible. Be realistic about what you can complete in a given time. "I will finish my math homework by 2pm" might not be realistic if you don't begin it until 1:45!
Actively managing your schedule can help overcome procrastination. Schedule your time realistically, and don't forget to schedule in "free" time.
Distractions
These compliment procrastination and can feed it. If we frequently are distracted, we need to create focus. Again, actively managing our time can help here.
My approach to distractions is direct: either the distraction goes, or I go.
What are some common distractions? Friends who turn up without warning, phones, Facebook, email, IM, Skype, television, radio/music, pets...add your own to the list. I am not above banishing friends and family after a certain amount of time--say, an hour--if I need to complete an important task. I turn off my cell phone and the ringer on my home phone. If television or music distracts you, turn them off, or, if you share the environment, go somewhere these can't distract you. You'll have to make a concerted effort to ignore the computer, especially if you're doing your work on it. Set a specific time to answer email, respond to FB, or chat with friends online. Change your online status to "Doing homework--please do not disturb," and ask your friends to honor that. You have to set the parameters and stick to them.
Emotional Upsets
Breakups, arguments, illnesses, deaths--these can affect us in many ways. Sometimes, we can shake off whatever is bothering us and make our way through the day, accomplishing what we need to accomplish. Sometimes, we can't shake off the grief, anger, and upset in order to deal with our day-to-day activities.
As you mature, you will learn how to handle emotional upsets better. For now, if you find yourself unable to get over whatever is bothering you, you need to see a counselor or talk to someone who can help you find ways to cope. When someone close to us is ill or dies, it's natural to feel depressed and sad. But if those feelings linger for too long, they can interfere with our daily obligations. If you feel so depressed that you cannot function, you MUST tell someone--a friend, a parent, a counselor, anyone who can listen and direct you to a source of help.
Most bosses and teachers expect that you will concentrate on the work/class at hand and leave your personal problems at home. This is not always possible, but you must use your emotional IQ to gauge those situations when an emotional outburst is inappropriate. If you are angry at your significant other, it is not okay to yell at the boss, a fellow worker, student, or professor--we are not equivalent substitutes! Know what's acceptable and what's not; get help if you need it.
Falling Behind or Not Understanding the Material
When you start skipping/ignoring assignments, that's a sign that you're not managing your time well. As embarrassing as it might be, you need to make an appointment with your instructors to discuss how you can get back on track. The longer you wait to do that, the less your professor will be willing to be flexible. Nip this in the bud, quickly.
If you don't understand the material, talk to the instructor. He/she might know a good tutor, or might be able to refer you to a campus resource such as the Writing Center or Math Lab. Seek out other students in your class--those who know the material and those who don't--and form a study group.
Overcoming motivation blockers takes discipline. It won't happen overnight, but you must learn to manage and overcome whatever keeps you from achieving your goals. It helps if you write out your goals and devise a strategy to reach them. Review them often, adjust them when necessary, and use them to help you stay on track.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Time Management
Since I'm the professor, I suppose I can blog about anything I want to! So I'm choosing to blog about time management, since it seems to me that this is one of the most neglected aspects of attending college. But, instead of lecturing my students on why they need to manage their time, I'll write about why I need to manage my time.
I teach four classes each semester. These classes can start with anywhere from 21 to 35 or more students. Of course, by the time the semester ends, I have fewer students in my classes, and I think lack of planning (time management) has a great deal to do with that. I can't make a student plan his/her work; I won't eliminate my assignments to "make it easier" for students. I list all of my course assignments on the class schedule; I expect students to be mindful of these assignments and to plan ahead.
But what about me? I don't just have to keep track of the assignments for one class; I have four classes, as many of my students do. Each student has one essay or reading journal to submit; I have to grade all of them! On any given weekend, I might have 70 assignments to grade. How do I get them done in a timely manner?
I have a calendar. As I'm planning my classes for the semester, I write down assignments as I add them to my course schedules. I can flip through the calendar and see what's coming in when. I also have a small white board at home on which I write all the assignments and the order in which they arrive in Moodle. As I complete a set of assignments and return them to students, I erase or draw a line through the assignment to let me know I've done it.
I often have days when I really don't want to work. When I try to procrastinate, I bribe myself with something--a chapter of a book I want to read, a movie I want to watch...whatever it takes to motivate me to do what I need to do. I also have a highly evolved sense of guilt. I require my students to turn their work in on time; I think I should return their work as soon as possible.
Occasionally, I'll have so much work coming in that I have to grade papers for a solid week. It can be tiring, but it's part of the job. I will take breaks, but I set a limit on those breaks. After an hour of reading or gardening, etc., I go back to the work because I must.
But I'm not just a teacher and grading papers is not all that I do. I have a large family; they provide me with some much needed R&R. I also live about 45 miles away from the university, so that drive to and from my "job" provides me with something of a break from work.
It's important for me, as a person and a teacher, to measure my time carefully and to provide the "down" time I need to avoid burnout and frustration. After all, all work and no play not only makes me a dull person; it also makes me cranky!
I teach four classes each semester. These classes can start with anywhere from 21 to 35 or more students. Of course, by the time the semester ends, I have fewer students in my classes, and I think lack of planning (time management) has a great deal to do with that. I can't make a student plan his/her work; I won't eliminate my assignments to "make it easier" for students. I list all of my course assignments on the class schedule; I expect students to be mindful of these assignments and to plan ahead.
But what about me? I don't just have to keep track of the assignments for one class; I have four classes, as many of my students do. Each student has one essay or reading journal to submit; I have to grade all of them! On any given weekend, I might have 70 assignments to grade. How do I get them done in a timely manner?
I have a calendar. As I'm planning my classes for the semester, I write down assignments as I add them to my course schedules. I can flip through the calendar and see what's coming in when. I also have a small white board at home on which I write all the assignments and the order in which they arrive in Moodle. As I complete a set of assignments and return them to students, I erase or draw a line through the assignment to let me know I've done it.
I often have days when I really don't want to work. When I try to procrastinate, I bribe myself with something--a chapter of a book I want to read, a movie I want to watch...whatever it takes to motivate me to do what I need to do. I also have a highly evolved sense of guilt. I require my students to turn their work in on time; I think I should return their work as soon as possible.
Occasionally, I'll have so much work coming in that I have to grade papers for a solid week. It can be tiring, but it's part of the job. I will take breaks, but I set a limit on those breaks. After an hour of reading or gardening, etc., I go back to the work because I must.
But I'm not just a teacher and grading papers is not all that I do. I have a large family; they provide me with some much needed R&R. I also live about 45 miles away from the university, so that drive to and from my "job" provides me with something of a break from work.
It's important for me, as a person and a teacher, to measure my time carefully and to provide the "down" time I need to avoid burnout and frustration. After all, all work and no play not only makes me a dull person; it also makes me cranky!
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